- Apu - Thank you, come again
- Barney Gumble - Burp
- Bart Simpson - An underachiever, proud of it and often cracking wise
- Carl Carlson - The black co-worker
- Chief Wiggum - He'll catch those criminals ... after his next donut
- Cletus - The Slackjawed Yokel
- Comic Book Guy - Worst quotes ever
- Duffman - Read my quotes! Yeah!
- Grandpa Simpson - The epitome of senility
- Guest Stars - From Stephen Hawking to Spinal Tap...
- Hans Moleman - A lovable raisin ... or person
- Homer Simpson - He's funny and fat
- Kent Brockman - An unmatched dry wit and eye for news
- Krusty the Klown - Krazy and Kooky
- Lenny Leonard - The white co-worker
- Lionel Hutz - Possibly the worst lawyer in the history of the world
- Lisa Simpson - The little miss know-it-all knows it all ... except for how to be funny
- Lunch Lady Doris - Such an awful lunch lady
- Marge Simpson - Lots of hair and lots of responsibility
- Mayor Quimby - Vote Quimby (quotes)
- Milhouse - The man, the myth, the Milhouse
- Moe - Bitter, brooding and beer-laden
- Mr. Burns - Rich, cold-hearted, hateful, yet lovable
- Ned Flanders - Giddily God-loving
- Principal Skinner - Putting the "pal" in principal. Sort of.
- Professor Frink - He's been re-dorkulated!
- Rainier Wolfcastle - McBain, bitch
- Ralph Wiggum - He's not smart
- Sea Captain - In a word: yar
- Sideshow Bob - Attempted murderer, but successful comic
- Superintendent Chalmers - Large and in charge
- Troy McClure - You might remember him from ...
- Waylon Smithers - Out of the closest and into our hearts
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