Homer Simpson Quotes (81 - 88 out of 150)
As the patriarch of the Simpsons clan, Homer Simpson provides the most laughs, the most quotes and the most entertainment of any character on television. A caring, albeit oblivious, father of three, Homer can be found at his nuclear power plant job, at Moe's bar, or on the couch.
Homer: Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
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Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
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Homer: Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
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Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
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Homer: Hey, we didn't have a message on our answering machine when we left. How very odd.
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Homer: Marge, I'm going to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm coming back loaded!
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Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat.
Homer: I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. It just keeps going faster and faster.
Marge: And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.
[Looks out window]
Bart: [creepily] Hello, mother dear.
Marge: That's it, we have to get them back to school.
Homer: I'm with you, Marge. Lisa. Get in here.
[Lisa walks in]
Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics.
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Duff book of records: Springfield is now the fattest city in the U.S.
Homer: Woo Hoo. In your face Milwaukee.
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