Homer Simpson Quotes (89 - 96 out of 150)
As the patriarch of the Simpsons clan, Homer Simpson provides the most laughs, the most quotes and the most entertainment of any character on television. A caring, albeit oblivious, father of three, Homer can be found at his nuclear power plant job, at Moe's bar, or on the couch.
Homer: Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
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Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat.
Homer: I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. It just keeps going faster and faster.
Marge: And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.
[Looks out window]
Bart: [creepily] Hello, mother dear.
Marge: That's it, we have to get them back to school.
Homer: I'm with you, Marge. Lisa. Get in here.
[Lisa walks in]
Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics.
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Homer: Hey, we didn't have a message on our answering machine when we left. How very odd.
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Homer: I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?
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Homer: My ears are burning.
Lisa: I wasn't talking about you, Dad.
Homer: No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip.
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Lisa: Look at the "wonders" of the computer age now.
Homer: Wonders Lisa? Or blunders?
Lisa: I think that was implied by what I said.
Homer: Implied... Or implode?
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Homer: Bart, I'm not asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy. You may not realize it now, but when you save a rich guy's life, he showers you with riches. Don't you know the story of Hercules and the Lion?
Bart: Is it a Bible story?
Homer: Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time, there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the villagers tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough, so they got Hercules and he used his mighty strength, and bingo. Anyway, the moral is, is that the lion was so happy, that he gave Hercules this big... thing... of riches.
Bart: How did a lion get riches?
Homer: It was the olden days.
Bart: Oh.
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Marge: I think you should do it, Homer, you might learn something new!
Homer: Oh, Marge, whenever I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out. Remember that time I went to those duff brewery classes and I forgot how to drive?
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