Homer Simpson Quotes (57 - 64 out of 150)
As the patriarch of the Simpsons clan, Homer Simpson provides the most laughs, the most quotes and the most entertainment of any character on television. A caring, albeit oblivious, father of three, Homer can be found at his nuclear power plant job, at Moe's bar, or on the couch.
Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
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Homer: No offense Apu, but when they're handing out religions you must be out taking a whizz.
Apu: Mr. Simpson, pay for your purchases and get out...and come again.
Quote Rating:
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Homer: Well crying isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog.
Bart: You're right.
[Gets up and leaves]
Homer: Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.
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Homer: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T...
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Bart: Geez Homer, you sure do suck tonight.
Homer: Yeah, suck like a fox!
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Marge: Homer, you don't have to pray outloud.
Homer: But he's way the hell up there!
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Homer: I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow.
Mrs. Krabappel: We need names.
Homer: Well, er, let's just call them, uh, "Mr. X" and "Mrs. Y." So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson."
Quote Rating:
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Homer: Well, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of... No TV and no beer make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!
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